Well.

That happened.

I’m not precisely sure what I expected from the end of the Infernalia tournament, but a giant holographic Rish revealing himself as the leader of the Amoralists, only to be revealed as not actually being Rish was… well, as I said, “that happened”!

It did raise questions about what was to come next. At least the Amoralists hadn’t destroyed a third of the world again; it seemed that the plan for now was to continue on for at least another cycle, until another event – Ascension, they were calling it.

Who knew what they had planned for that?

The carriage ride back to the Academy was surprisingly quiet. Dan had gone back earlier, recovering from his bloody war against AnHellica. I had been sad that he had not been there to see me win, but… well, he took a claw through the jaw and somehow managed to eke out a draw against Amorality’s champion, so a little rest was justified. As a result it was just me and Mark in the carriage, and he was as deep in contemplation of the events we had just witnessed as I was. So I sat, quietly, looking at my new belt, still somewhat in disbelief that I was, in fact, the World Champion once again.

Our carriage pulled up outside the Academy, and I saw Mark stiffen slightly as we approached the front door.

‘What is it?’ I asked him.

‘… Not sure,’ he said, ‘but there’s a lot more than four people in there. And there’s… a kind of tension.’

I nodded. ‘Can you tell who else is there?’

He shook his head. ‘No. But… well…’

‘What?’

‘… They don’t smell unfriendly.’

Creepy-ass vampire powers, I thought. But I nodded again, and we made our way into the entrance hall…

… and were greeted by a thunderous roar of cheers.

The Academy, for the first time since we had come to the future, was full of people – residents past, present, and… I guess future too, since Nia and Urquhart were there, raising their glasses with the others. Eris, looking tremendously pleased with themself, pulled on a rope and causing a banner to unfurl: "SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS! YOU’LL GET ‘EM NEXT TIME!"

‘Shit bloody cunting fucking arse shitty Trumping – ’ they muttered, scurrying over to another rope and pulling it to reveal another banner: “THE CHAMP IS HERE!”

At the unfurling of the correct banner, the crowd began their cheers anew, eventually starting up a chant: ‘CALI! CALI! CALI!’

I held up my hands and the cheers began to ebb, the crowd listening attentively. ‘Okay, so, I have some questions,’ I said, to hearty laughs, ‘but they can wait. For now, I’m not gonna question precisely how you all are here, and instead choose to be thankful that you all are here.’ More cheers. ‘I don’t have any sort of a speech prepared – ’

Eris scuttled forward and handed me a piece of paper. Amused, I took it. ‘Apparently I do! Let’s see…

Tonight, I did something that, for a while, I really didn’t think I could do. I stood toe-to-toe with four colossal badasses, and I was the last fighter standing. I couldn’t have done it without the support of every one of you, especially my best friend Eris, who later tonight I’m totally gonna fu – God dammit, Eris, did you have to?’ I scowled at Eris, who merely smirked and shrugged. I continued. ‘Let’s see… well, the descriptions of the graphic sexual acts that Eris wants me to do to them go on for another two pages, front and back, so I’m going to deviate from the prepared remarks at this point. Thank you all for – somehow – being here to support me. The fight to save the future from Amorality isn’t over, but tonight was a major victory for the side of good. We press on tomorrow, but for tonight – let’s fucking celebrate!’

Raucous cheers came up from the gathered crowd, and Queen’s Don’t Stop Me Now began playing from a series of speaker-bearing drones hovering over the crowd. Another drone came up to me, bearing a very strong-looking drink and a bracelet. I took both, looking at the bracelet quizzically.

‘One of my more recent inventions,’ said Eris, who had appeared beside me. ‘Combination of magic and technology, but briefly, lets you get completely wasted without a hangover. This is the only prototype, but if it works… the most fundamentally world-changing piece of technology since E.R.I.S.’

‘Didn’t you just invent E.R.I.S. at the start of the year?’

They smirked. ‘It’s been a busy three months.’

‘God, has it really been that long?’ I asked wistfully.

Eris nodded. ‘But hey. You went through hell, and you came out the other side the World Champion. You fucking did it, Cali.’

‘I’ll drink to that!’ I said, raising my glass and taking a hearty chug. ‘Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster?’ I asked. Eris nodded. ‘How did you get the ingredients here? Also,’ I looked around at the milling crowd, some of whom were attempting to get a dancefloor going, ‘how did you get the partygoers here?’

Eris giggled; apparently they were already a few drinks in. ‘So… y’know how I managed to get E.R.I.S. to fly?’

‘I meant to ask, how did you manage that?’

‘Well…’ said Eris, ‘… probably faster just to show you.’

They closed their eyes, and suddenly a golden aura surrounded them. Their eyes, upon opening, were glowing like suns. Behind them shone the blazing sigil of the Wheel of Fortune, and they themself took on some Sphinx-like attributes.

‘Holy fuck!’ I sputtered, half-choking on my drink. ‘You Awakened?’

‘Pretty much,’ they said, releasing the Power and reverting to their usual self. ‘And it turned out that that was the key to unlocking the full power of E.R.I.S. – I can channel way more of the magic now, and it doesn’t drain me to any extent that a Monster energy drink won’t fix. So, still not a full-blown time machine – I can only go between 2026 and 2326 – but not merely a time capsule anymore. And so I figured, why not bring in some friends to help celebrate your big win?’

At that, I saw an already-wasted emo… well, I was gonna say “kid”, but he looked to be at least thirty… staggered past. He looked strangely familiar, though for the life of me I couldn’t say where. I raised my eyebrows. ‘Friends… like that guy, who I’ve never met?’

‘Friends and well-wishers,’ said Eris, delicately taking a sip of their own drink.

‘Hang on!’ yelled Oscar “The Grouch” Gonzales, a longtime Academy resident. ‘Next Infernalia card just dropped!’

‘Wait,’ I said, ‘how does Oscar know what Infernalia is?’

‘Oh,’ said Eris, ‘yeah, not sure how, but the whole tournament’s also been broadcast in 2026.’

‘And… no-one questions the fact that it’s from 2326?’

‘Hey, have you seen 2026? They’re so used to “unprecedented times” that at this point “wrestling tournament from the future” is honestly kinda vanilla. Besides, most people just think it’s some sort of a production.’

‘That’s one way of describing it,’ I muttered. Then, louder, ‘Hey Oscar, what’s the card?’

He looked at me and grinned. ‘You’ve got the “King” again!’

‘A title defense already?’ I asked. ‘Well, not surprising, I guess… AnHellica was not happy that I won. Stands to reason she’s not going to let me off easy.’

‘Ooh, I got an idea,’ said Eris. ‘Stormageddon IV, come here a minute!’

One of the drones swooped dutifully down. I saw that it was bearing a camera.

Uh oh.

‘Promo! Promo! Promo!’ chanted Eris, the rest of the partygoers joining in after the second ‘promo’.

‘Alright,’ I said, ‘let’s see whether I’ve got any rust here…’

I took a deep breath. Here we go…

‘You know… going into the tournament finals, not a one of the four other men in the match thought I could do it. Ripper thought he had nothing to prove against me. And Moretti and Donovan all but dismissed me. After all, this whole tournament was the Pact’s to win – that was the whole point of your little deal, wasn’t it?

The three of you thought yourselves unstoppable. All undefeated – though let’s leave aside the fact that you needed to team up for Donovan to get the win over me – and all united. Who, who could take you down?

Well… little old me, as it turned out.

See, “your Majesty,” despite your grand claims that you’d fuck me over, that you’d “make an exception” and get into BDSM for me… well, you saw precisely who forgot their fucking safeword. I choked out your Pact buddy, and the best you could manage was feebly jerking off in the cuck chair as it happened. And at the end of it all… I ended up on top.

So tell me, Jarvis… given that you couldn’t get the job done with your two backup dancers helping you out, what precisely makes you think you can take me on alone?

I have no doubt that as I speak you’re coming up with some incredibly new and creative ways of calling me a slut, or a bimbo, or some other wickedly clever thing that isn’t at all the misogynistic ramblings of a small, insignificant man raging against the inevitable onslaught of the 20th century. Make your little jibes while you can, “your Majesty.” You underestimated me once. Do it again at your own peril.’

The crowd gave another raucous cheer at the end of my promo, and I signaled for another drink. Downing it in one go (to more cheers), I signaled for another, and flopped onto a nearby couch. It had been… gosh, eight years since I had done a promo, and longer since I had done an off-the-cuff one. Hopefully I hadn’t lost too much ground.

Eris sat down beside me. ‘Nicely done. Sorry for putting you on the spot.’

I sighed. ‘I’m World Champion again. And it looks like even with the tournament over, we’re keeping on going. I fear that giving promos is a skill I’ll need to sharpen sooner rather than later.’

‘Do you think you can do it? Beat Jarvis, so soon after that hellacious of a match?’

‘He was in the match too, wasn’t he?’ I asked. ‘And unlike me, Jarvis lost. I’ve got my momentum back, and I have no intention of giving up this belt anytime soon. If nothing else…’ I trailed off.

‘If nothing else… what?’ asked Eris.

‘I won the tournament,’ I said. ‘Somehow, I did it. And I had really thought that winning the tournament would be the end of it, that we’d be able to turn whatever ritual the Amoralists enacted back on them, try and restore some sort of hope to the world. But the fight’s not over.’

‘And?’

‘And in this world, with the very real Power that permeates it, this – ’ I held up the World Championship belt ‘ – is more than just leather and metal. It’s a symbol, a symbol of… well, of whatever the holder needs it to be. I can’t fully explain it, but the mere act of holding this belt feels like it grants power, to one who knows what to do with it.’

Eris nodded. ‘I mean… even I can’t fully explain it, but that’s basically it. Most of the Power in this world derives from people really, truly, believing in it. It’s all about Will.’

‘Wait, who’s Will?’ I asked, half-teasing.

‘No, Will as in – oh hush,’ said Eris. ‘It’s the entire premise of Amorality, it’s how they got magic to work. Their version of it is corrupted and bastardized, of course, but in their view it’s the only true interpretation…’

Now it was Eris’ turn to trail off. ‘So what you’re saying is that words and symbols have power, more literally than they did in 2026?’

‘Yes,’ said Eris. ‘So long as you hold that belt, you hold a symbol of strength, and it will directly help you fight the Institute. It’s why AnHellica wants so desperately for you to be defeated; it’s why she’s throwing Jarvis at you this early.’

‘Well then, my course seems simple,’ I said. ‘Beat Jarvis, again… but this time, choke the bastard out myself.’

‘I’ll drink to that!’ said Eris. We clinked, and downed our drinks… when I saw Dan and Mark heading for one of the sidechambers, wearing tank-tops and cowboy hats. Dan was carrying a guitar, and looked very drunk.

Well, I’d best sort that out…